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entries,
words from the mouth and mind
Attached Gg To Break My Heart.
Friday, April 30, 2010 Friday, April 30, 2010
TO YOU:
this is for you.
It's pain when I look at you,pain when I see your eyes. pain every time I think of everything in the past. pain when I realize how all this could be so vast. It’s pain when I tried imagining how cruel you did to me. pain when I couldn’t get rid of the thought i had. pain when I see how satisfied she made you feel. pain, thorough pain, I fucking believe can kill me. it’s pain that keeps tugging at my heart. pain I swear I haven’t yet felt before! pain I want to escape from NOW! pain I don’t ever want to feel anymore.
so just leave me alone. you fought with almost everyone just because of me ? who am i to you? im just your ex. i know you still love me . but do you ever think , if you REALLY love me , you wont busted me from the strt? NOW i AM single , why cant i contact with other guys ? why must you control my life ? is it impossible that i need to be back withh you with this fcuking situation right now ? with your fucking attitude that i cant tolerate anymore ? cant you understand what the meaning of MOVE ON? is it that hard for you ? if it is , i understand. IT TAKES TYME.
dont you ever think you hurt me every single time ? i knw you sacrifise for me to win my heart back. but do you think i am that kind of gerl who forgive and forget ? no. i'll forgive you , but i wont forget what you've done to me. you told me to forget those fucking past you had done. but do you think i could ? it keeps haunting me. HAUNTING INSIDE MY FUCKING BRAIN! do you think i can ? do you think im strong enuf ? WHY CANT YOU JUST SEE IM HAPPY ? why cant you just go away ? why cant you just live me alone & lead your own life ? WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS ?
i've told you from the strt , i want you to move on , i want you to forget me . i almost ignoring you. but yuu ask me to AT LEAST contact you & make yuu happy. i did, cause i still care. but why you keep CONTROLLING ME ? itts my life with whu i wanna be with now. with whu i wanna cntct with now. i know you are jealous. but just live you life without me anymore. cant you count its like 1 year's plus to 2 years i've been with yuu. take care of you . be there for you. listen to your problems. i care for you & etc. now you say you cant live without me ? YOU CAN ! YOU NEED SOME EFFORT ! understand ?!?!!
why when we are still together , you can contact her . why now WHEN IM SINGLE, you wanna control me ? cant you differentiate's it ? CANT YOU ? THINK! I NEED SOME SPACE. I NEED FREEDOM. when i told yuu to contact me as a friend. yuu ignore. yuu wanna be enemies. up to you , i follow your decision unless you are happy. MOVE ON BOY ! MOVE ON ! like i told you , we'll be back together when theres still hope for us. BUT NOW? theres no hope for me. so sorry. i wanna move on from the strt , but you didnt let me. whus fault ? so stop being childish. i dont want to hear any stupid thing you'll do after this. just take care of yourself. IM HERE SUPPORTING YOU ALWAYS , AS A FRIEND.
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I Meant To Fall In Love.
Friday, April 30, 2010
HELLO EARTHLINGS. im not in the mood to post today but i wanna let out something. before that , i just wanna say . school was awesome when classmates & babygerls around me . & its like ferst tyme i didnt skipp EE lesson. hehe ! i do noted all the theory information for me to memorize but half way thru , at about 12 .15 pm , i keep on yawning , feel like sleeping. but than , i go toilet and smoke. chee chat with shabana too. HAHA !
after class, slack with nora & 
nad outside. saw nanto, meo, monyet & firman. monyet say this " naq kiss ?" mcm siakk ehh kao ! haha. after they left , firman msg me this "awak sombong !" HAHAHHA ! sayer taq sombong , sayer cuma taq banyak bobal ! :P kay fakeee.
nad outside. saw nanto, meo, monyet & firman. monyet say this " naq kiss ?" mcm siakk ehh kao ! haha. after they left , firman msg me this "awak sombong !" HAHAHHA ! sayer taq sombong , sayer cuma taq banyak bobal ! :P kay fakeee.walk of at 1.30 with adam. than meet farhan & haikal. go buy cake. meet yaya , lisa , bazlin , eika , zahari at grandlink. we decided to karoake ferst while waiting for ayu , fydy & danial came. than after they came we have another 2nd round. buttt ! after karaoke, plan kokcup. the birthday boy , danial cant make it. abeh apai paitau ! fydy uat pangai ! mcm mcm ehh. moodswing. not only me , ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL !!!!! fuck up siaaa!
decided to walk off to punggol . me , zahari & adam go meet danial & give his cake. I DID SAY "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" TO HIM. but mcm tk appreciate. complain saner sini. fuck siaaaa ! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WILL DO SIA.!
meet the others back , slack slack slack . than we go matilda house. ako nan ayu ngar itik bunyikk je patah balek siaa. dah seram seram . haha . LASTLY , meet atyqa at common greeen. (:
theres some grandlink pictures with siti zakiah. i need it asap so i can upload it. so stay tune. below , theres a ketinggalan gambar. heh!
ADAM.
EKA.LIYA.SABRINA.
THE BEYLO.
Happy Birthday Johan.
Thursday, April 29, 2010 Thursday, April 29, 2010
IM HERE TO WISH MY BEST CUTE SWEETEST BRADER LOVE , JOHAN STEAM.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHAN!
- may happiness be with you. tady kena sabo masaii seyy . abeh last last mintak ako rokok . pantat kao ! naseb kao birthday boyy nary . kalau tk jangan harap ako bagy kao rokok ! haha . okay , thnks for being there to listen up with my fucking asshole problems. and hope you lead a good future in life. (:
NOW ! TALK ABOUT TODAY !
im still sick but it's getting better & ako semangat naq p school gee ! but im late. haha. adam fetch me outside macpherson mrt then i go smoke with hym. saw johan , jana , danpal & others. they celebrating johan's birthday. saw don tooo. he give me flying kisss. kecoh ahh kao gee!
12.45 i step into the class. study3 ! at 1.30 go break till 2pm. bla bla bla . i dun want talk much about schoool la actually.
oh yah , i wanna say sorry to firman cause i never look at you & say hi. step sombong katekan . sorry so much yeah . & sorry for making you mad about my message. & yeah , monyet taaq habez habez kacau ako & yaya. hahahah ! kecohhhh.
thnks again to adam for accompany me till punggol inter. kao tk habez habez hantar ako, tk jelak ke ? ishk! thnks tauuuu ! & bye. nk tdo.
People Think Im Crazy.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010 Tuesday, April 27, 2010
hello readers. my flu becoming more worse. my cough is killing me. i decided not to go to school and go clinic. i did want to go to school at ferst cause i love school already , but because of my condition, im weak. sorry classmates , babygerls !
i had two days mc. im not going to school tomorrow. im going to stay at home and rest. or maybe go school and fetch my yaya sayang. i miss her so much. i knw she miss me too. we're not lesbian , we both are a caring loving cousin. get it ? (:
doctor told me this "your throat effection and i will give you medicine with your two days mc. have a rest at home." but you know what ? im not feeling any better when i took the medicine. so siannnnnn ! i wanna get weelll soooon. i wanna smoke. ! hmmmph !
so go poly with fydy. he accompany me. thanks fydy (: then i saw suria. nothing much to talk about her. than straight go greendale sec and slack with huda & zahari . i go home early cause i wanna get a sleep. & i dont want adam to get worried about me. so yeah , i need a rest now. takecare peoples.
I JUST MISS SECONDARY LIFE ! I SWEAR !
They Blessed me , But im Stressed.
Monday, April 26, 2010 Monday, April 26, 2010
morning, when i wanna took bus, theres this two greendale boys came to me & ask me to buy for them ciggy. i did. like ferst tyme i lepas . selalu nyer i lepas when the auntie sell , but this uncle give me buy. woohooo !
meet adam , we both go school together. then meet yaya , lisa & eika. while waiting for them at the canteen , i saw meo & nash . then meo msg me something and i show it to my classmate. mcm mcm lah kao meo. ! haha.
after meet my babygerls, we go smoke ferst then i go in the class. miss may never come. boring. & yuu know what ? classmates thought me & rafie got something going on. padahal kawan rapat je sia. how can this me ? no no. just a friend okay classmates ? (:
when mr teo lesson, he let us have 10 mins break , i go smoke in the toilet. saw yayahbeloh & friends. then , go class back. after that , got 25 mins break , meet yaya , eika , lisa , don , monyet , bobby at canteen. yaya decided to go grandlink & we agree. adam join us too , but he never sing. (: while walking , me & lisa tempting to smoke. eika & yaya get mad and never talk to both of us for a second. cute pe drg. drg dua tkt HSA atau cisco tangkap . haha. but too bad , nothing happen.
so yeah , after grandlink , adam send me home. slack with the others at CG. done (:
thanks adam sebab hntar liya sampai punggol (:
WHEN WE MEET , WE ARE CRAZY.
ALWAYS THE SWEETEST.
KAYSIAO ISAP RKK KAT TOILET.
GRANDLINK.
SEXY LEG OF YAYA.
OVER THE FLOWERS.
8 month suppose to be.
Monday, April 26, 2010
IM MOVING ON.AND EVERYTIME IM HAPPY FOR A MOMENT I CONGRATULATE MYSELF BECAUSE I KNOW IM GETTING OVER YOU LITTLE BY LITTLE.
happy 8 months anniversary supposed to be. i swear i will remember the next anni okay ? (:
This is the last straw, the last time I’ll say out loud to everyone, the last chance you’ll have to tell me you love me and make it all better, the last time you’ll lie to me. No longer will you lead me on with your mind games and blind me from the truth. This, is the last time you’ll hurt me. It feels like forever now, you’ve been apart of my life and the role you’ve been playing hasn’t been the best one. I’ll admit it, I’ll miss you, but past haunting me. i just cant forget what you've done to me. I will be able to find someone that makes me their first priority like how I made you. I’m gonna be with someone that makes me happier than you ever could, and loves me for me at the same time; no more secrets.
I’ve learned that I'm not right for you, causing so much stress in your life, its your time to be dismissed. Its an everyday procedure to talk to you, but I’ll learn how to deal and move on. You’ve only taught me to be stronger, to set up my boundaries and not trust people who’re just trying to mess up what’s good for me. To not trust people like you. I’ll learn to move on. I’ll learn to be strong. I’ll learn to go through every day without you. I just want you to realize how good you had it. I want you to see what you do to people, even though I’m the one being hurt, I WILL NOT have pity on myself, nor will I have mercy on you. I’m the one suffering, and yet, in the end, you’ll pretend that you were the one being victimized. I’m sick of it.
You’d continuously tell me that you don’t want to lose me, that you don’t want to hurt me, but are you that naive to see what you’re doing is only hurting me more, and you have an even greater chance of losing me?! Not only will you lose me as someone who cares about you, but more importantly, you’ll lose me as a friend. Its more emotional effort on my part to be involved with you and try to even consider you a friend.
“i cant live without you.
.”
“I need you.”
“You know I care about you!”
“I love you so much & i dont wanna lose you..”
Now I realize everything you told me was simply just words to keep me from leaving, because you knew I could’ve easily done without you. Well, now, I’m realizing it too. I'm nothing special to you. You’d always save yourself with a quick answer, but this is the last time you have to keep me from leaving you forever. Everyone deserves second chances, but you’re running on using your eighth and ninth chances. I’m over it. I can’t handle it, and I know it’ll hurt, but its not worth being put through the pain any longer.
i hope you understand. move on with your life. in future , if god agree, we will be together back. takecare fydy kecyk.
much misses : emiliya baby.
PS: we're still friends. i dont wanna be enemy.
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